I've been stressing and putting off things in general for far too long and today I found myself having one of those "moments".......You know what I'm talking about....The life moments when we stop running around like a headless chicken and think "what the hell am I doing??"
This has been coming for ages but I didn't want to admit it to anyone, much less myself. I am my own worse critic and always expect much more from myself then I am, at times, capable of. We have had a lot going on here lately and it's made me pause and start to reflect on where I need to be at to keep sane.
Having dropped my husband at work to fly out for a week or so...I think....I had arrived home with the girls upset and the house a mess. I gave them lunch, popped them in bed then sat on the floor feeling strangely empty, looking around at the mountain of work to do and knowing my custom order list was waiting, looming and a lot longer then I would like. SO I thought it may be therapeutic to blog about whats been happening here so you may understand what is happening with Missy Bug Boutique in the future.
For starters we are in the middle of renovating....wait.....who am I kidding? More like fully gutting and re building a little house in town that we plan to move into. When I say gutting I mean the only room that is left unchanged is the toilet. AND we are doing it all ourselves....how I wish we could hire a tribe of people.....but alas it's us on weekends while the girls play with toy tools and run around the unloved garden. I have even learnt to use a hammer drill....
The house will be lovely when we finish, but for now it is a huge stress. I am SO looking forward to my new kitchen, town water and a garbage service.
Secondly I returned to the "real" world of work a month ago. I LOVE my career and have found it's impossible to maintain the work/family/play/Miss Bug balance I had all mapped out in my head. I had visions of me standing in a wonder women outfit on a hill top with a happy toddler on my hip, joyful 4 year old and supportive husband. Not to mention the house being finished and spotless, car clean, piles of Missy Bug orders finished and dinner cooked....and maybe even the washing not heaped all over the place and the dog fed.
The last month has been a reality check. The house is no where close to being done, the kids are feral and I have no idea where dinner is! Then with hubby off to work and me left here it has dawned on me that I cannot keep up this pace or keep thinking I am wonder women....that outfit has been decommissioned. And while I'm on the rant my toddler WILL NOT sleep....and it's been going on for months and months. I know I shouldn't complain as millions of families have bad sleepers but it's wearing thin with everything else going on. And it's crunch time for my studies I have to get done with my career. SO something has to go on the back burner for a little bit and as much as I hate to say it, it is Missy Bug. I ADORE my little handmade business but the more I think about it, the more I need it to get back to the reason I started it in the first place. As my creative outlet, my downtime......Not something that I'm stressed over and keeps me up all hours of the night crunching orders. I was just going to scale things back and hope no one would notice but I want people to know why I'm not on my page everyday like I was and why their orders have been taking longer then I would like.
To any of you that have made it to the bottom of this long winded waffle, thank you. I needed to express that I am stressed and feeling horrid and I don't want to let anyone down by not being able to say yes to every custom request and not holding market nights every month and having a fully stocked, gorgeous store.
I'm hoping once the main part of my studies is out of the way things will get back to "normal" but I need to go easier on myself. It is my own fault I have taken on too much and please don't think I'm after sympathy, I made this bed of responsibilities and no sleep and I plan to lay/wallow in it.
And so, for the time being Missy Bug Boutique will be closed for custom orders and the store will be on holidays till I clear my custom list. I will then get back to the creative process I love and list things as I make them as well as having the odd market night. I firmly believe that this will actually get me sewing more. When I shut up shop over Easter last year I actually did MORE sewing as I didn't feel pressure.
I'm feeling more creative already! I also understand why sleep deprivation is used as a torture method....I think my toddler and I need to have a little chat as her torturing mummy is getting ridiculous and I hope in a few months when things have improved I'll look back on this blog and think "Gee you were a tired, cranky sod who drank too much".....
Very sorry for the long post & thank you if you took the time to read it xx
No comments:
Post a Comment